Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
