What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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