And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize