Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
