glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
