Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
