Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
