don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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