I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone came in the potted fern
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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