got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
