Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
