"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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