my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
