you have to choose: penises or morals?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
