I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
