I wish I could teleport
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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