if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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