I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
