I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
