and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
