at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
