I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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