How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
