no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
