Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
