Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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