Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's the barista slut.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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