is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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