If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
