those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
