I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
