My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
