Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
