plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
