Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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