Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
