i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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