What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
