ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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