i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
