Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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