I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
