I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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