I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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