woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're like the curious george of whores
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
