i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
