That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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