Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
