i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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