she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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