Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
