It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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