Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
