I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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