I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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