Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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