I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
