I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
