someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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