Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
