Don't you send me to vm
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
