this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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