Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
