Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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